Remain as friend

I know it is easy to make friends but it is rather hard to get a best friend or close friend.

Previously, I used to have few friends and that is why it was harder to get a bestie. As I grow, I found a few friends that I can really be my true self. Sometimes, you would risk this kind of relationship. When you want to go further but maybe the other does not feel that way. Thus, close friend would slowly become friend and later, stranger. I know I have an issue with 'friendship' or any 'relationship'. Once I get close with them I would ended up being total stranger. Maybe is my fate or I just do not know how to handle and the limit. I lose a few closed friends that I really appreciate and longing for because I make mistakes in handling my relationship with them. Misunderstanding and miscommunication are all the factors.

I would just let it be but when I found someone that can really talk with I am really happy. It is like you can really express out your thoughts to someone you trust verbally. Communication is the key but it is a long learning process. Many things still have to learn in life. Just hope that I don't make more mistakes that cause bigger harm.

I am really sorry to you, my close friend.
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Next week;
I am gonna fly to somewhere again. However, I am really nervous and a bit scared.
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How about you?

Waste of time?

I feel like when you really care about a person, you would probably keep mentioning that person and that particular person would not get out of your mind. It is good if that person feel and did it the same way in return. If not, you will probably get hurt easily and feel frustrated when you cannot get what you want (I know that is my emotional management issue). In the end, you will feel that what you did was all a waste and that person would not care but to live a happy life.

Do not waste time on people that does not appreciate you. One day, he or she would understand. Even if nobody knows, God knows. I am not saying to be selfish but once a while, do love and care yourself more.

What I always do is to hide myself in the closed space and keep thinking about negative matters. It will hurts me more and more. Get out of the door, take a walk to get some fresh air or just hang out with friends though you mind is wondering far away. Lol!

Sole

Yea, I still feel here is better.

After-all, I am still alone in this place of living. I urge for a companion but I know I won't get it.

New chapter of life is coming soon.
Found a job but not sure if I am able to make it. Will start to enter into working life next month. A job that I have never learn before in my 4 years of college. Now, everything seems to be so smooth up to the extend that I do not believe in it.

Many people might questioned me of why I did not find a job that is related to my study? Until the extend I also do not know. In the past, I told myself that I would be working in relation to my study but now, everything is so different. Nevermind, I just need to focus on what I am supposed to do and do it the best.

Now spending the very last few weeks with the family. Once I start working, it is gonna be hard to have time with them.

fannen

I'm back

Out of sudden, I have the intention to look back to what I had wrote last time. It was full of memories. Everything had changed so much and now I am having my second internship, which working with special needs children. It is gonna end soon and I bet I would cry, yea, you know I dont like separation. My future work is still in blurry state. I try not to think about it.

D promised to come this month but I think he could not make it anymore and I am leaving next month that is why we might not be able to meet. Well, perhaps, we already used to it. Actually not really, I still in adjusting state (yup, I am slow).

The haze is coming again this few weeks.

So far, even life is not satisfying but I would like to thank God for everything.

I will post a simple picture below (:

fannen

Neglected

Last Saturday I felt that I have spend less time with someone I love. My parents, my brother and my love.

Parents visited me yet, I couldn't find time to spend with them. I'm so useless. It is always hard to me to find a balance these few years.
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Being in long distance relationship is harder than I expect. I hope I can get through this.

Communication, culture, gender and language are all sorts of barriers that hinder me.

I have become someone that is emotional unstable and not able to be so rationale anymore. Hope he can bears with my current state.
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Spend as many times as you can with something or someone that is important to you. Chances are not always there. Once you have missed, it can never be return back.

Leaves no regret!

Reality strikes

Just ended my finals and trip to Ipoh. I was fun trip though. I really enjoyed and managed to meet with my grandma.

I have no idea what to do for my FYP. Finally get to meet my mother. Like finally!! But she's tired.

I miss you.. I'm sorry.

Enjoy the distance.

Technology has draw us more far from each other when we're side by side, while drawing people a far off nearer.

I agree with the first at certain circumstances, while another is kind of not. People wouldn't be more appreciative when they can get connect but rather taking advantage (since there's internet everywhere and anytime, why we need to always keep contact?). That is why I salute and envy my parents' era of writing a letter to each other when they're apart.

After emo and have a deep thought, I shouldn't force or making more extra effort to be near, instead, I shall enjoy the distance we had for each other. Enjoy what I have here, people around me and be loved. I won't request anything more from now on because if people really care, they will find dozens of way to be nearer to me. More like mom and I, we often have random chat through social apps, but just simple and adorable one. When we meet, we will have all long conversation of what had happened when I'm not around and I will tell her about my pathetic life over here. I'm really happy when I see her, because she knows me the most and I don't need to hide anything from her. She's indeed very understanding and kind. I hope brother did that to father too.

I certainly miss a lots of people and of course I still need to live my life over here.

Do give some distance :)

L.O.V.E.