Why care?

Sometimes you want to be true to a person in terms of feelings but then certain feelings doesn't seems to be presentable such as sad, angry and hate. You might think I would hurt the other person when you show it out and relationship would surely be affected.

I always don't show my true feelings as it is not presentable. Happy is a far emotion that so hard to reach in my stand. Sad and disappointments always surrounded me. The reasons that I don't show are because I don't want people to worry about me. Next, people may be affected and feel annoy like how come this lady always in sad mood. And I know, a real fake smile would helps to avoid many issues. Angry, I do angry on particular matters but I keep it. Well, if I show it out for sure I will hurt someone. Enough for being bad as I know the feeling of awfulness. Why not just give way and everyone be happy. It is not easy and depends on which culture you are in. I'm not stereotype but kinda true.

I am drenched emotionally. All had dried up.

A special friend who reminds me that I need to cope with it. If I can do it then I'm strong. The more obstacles, it is a way to train me up to be stronger and tougher. Do enjoy your life while still young!

Shalom (:

Did you miss someone?

Truly, the awful feeling is so bad when you missing someone else on the other side of the earth. Who do you miss? Must be someone, which is meaningful to you and you love. I really miss him so much to the extent where my eyes were never dry up. That's beyond my expectation. Never ever miss someone that much. All I can do is to close my eyes, hug tight my pillow and imagine the person I miss. I know it would makes me more miss as my tears would flow endlessly every time I did that. However, people says cry would somehow helps. I'm not sure but that's my natural reaction that I didnt intent to cry that much. Really a lot as my empty space would get flooded soon if I didn't manage to handle it as fast as possible.

I think he is celebrating his birthday today with his families. How sweet it is as I never ever has a birthday party ever or to say I always have a lonely birthday. Hence, I hide my birth date as nobody cares. It's okay (: This year, I'm gonna celebrate alone although I had missed out the opportunity to celebrate with my love and the get a gift from him.

Whenever I'm free, I'll go to the place where we once went and to retrieve the memories of ours for my own survival. It is more empty in the space.

I shall not hope for anything but to accept what had happened and matters that are coming soon. Let the strong winds blow away my bad mood and bring relaxation and happy feeling.

How do you feel?

What do you feel when you see a beautiful bride walking down the aisle and finally meet and hold the hand of the bridegroom? Feel love and happy? If I am the one, I would feel great for the couple that they had finally start their journey of two. However, I'm a bit sad as I don't think I'm able to be able to have the chance walking down the aisle. I'm afraid of marriage and the older I get, the more I don't want to get married. It is good that you can have a status as husband and wife and walk together the rest of the life. But, how many manage to walk finished? Or had changed their marriage's partner?

When seeing people giving birth and have their own babies I feel so amazing, lovely and bliss. But then I have decided not to have one even when I get married. I am no longer able to take up the responsible as a mother.

The most touching is when I saw old couple still holding hands and take good care of each other sweetly. That's how I believe love can last forever if you found the correct one. Not easy but you can try, not as if try to date as many girls as possible but their to be complete with each other, just like a jigsaw puzzle.

Can I Give Up? No!

These few days were the saddest days in my life. I'm strengthless and sad. Who can give me a support or hug?
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No text from him was liken to being in the dark night. I know I need to be understanding but.. I miss him that badly, which would makes me crazy.

Maybe I need time to calm down. Eyes were swollen and tired after crying for so many nights.

I would like to apologize for being unreasonable. And I don't want to play with you anymore. I'm real tired.
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Going back to the empty space tomorrow.

Alright?

Hey, how was your day? It is a good day or a bad day? neither happy nor sad?
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Mine supposed to be good day as I met up with my granny. I miss her so much and we hadn't contact each other since last year. Then, my day was liken to the thunderstorm where I dislike. Tears almost flow out of my eyes but I controlled it. Out of sudden my mood was so down and the day was so blue.

All kinds of thought rushed into my mind as before. Then I realized, living in reality, in the presence is so cruel. I still couldn't accept it. Living in presence doesn't means is bad, yet depends on the situations. For me this year, better for me to stay back to my dream and past.

I'm a person who cannot and not able to face the real truth of things that had happened. Believe me, it was scary like nightmare. Somehow, a murderer of my happiness and blissfulness.
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Didn't managed to text with him since 6pm. It nust be his place don't have internet signal. Hope everything was good for him.

The 8th day

It has been a week where he left Malaysia. Hopefully Malaysia worth for him to miss. A never promise future of meeting each other again would be liken to a bomb in the heart. It would explode any time whenever it is not taken care properly. How can I not miss someone that care for me more than the normal people would do?
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Attachment.

I have read many articles and heard of saying some girl get too attached to guy and the guy would feel annoy. Admitted, I did been too attached and he said it is okay. Maybe he doesn't wants to hurt me or he meant it.
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I was getting more and more lazy. Hopefully I can survive on MUET exam.

fannen, overcome your weaknesses.

5th day

Well, I did cried yesterday night. In addition, I had a serious cold at midnight and keep coughing so, didn't managed to help parents today. Resting in the house. I hope it was not so called "lovesick" lol.
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Yea, other than to be strong, there's no other way. Cry doesn't help but makes me feel better. Let's keep looking forward for the day when we meet again.
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Realized that my semester break would be super short. Aww.. :'( dislike, need to go back the space and there's an English test waiting for me. Well, I'm not prepared.
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Would you fall in love into someone else when you're in a relationship? How come?