Dreams

DREAMS |
#💭

Re-pondering on my dreams. Growing up is not an easy thing for me especially in education, but thank God I had completed my degree. Went through all the struggles and tears 😭 especially when I choose my diploma course. No supports but all criticisms that make me questioned myself "am I wrong?" But who knows I learned the most in my college life about life (seriously not much on those inapplicable theories), which make me keep going. Is not about what am I going to do in the future but the discovery of self. Up to the age of 20's only I know how come I'm not good at language, I'm slow learner, I copy things from the white board slower than others, messed up with alphabet (L or R). Mostly all been revealed throughout this journey. No one would believes because they are not in the same situation.

Let them judge, let them speak.

As long as you are enjoying your journey of life.

I ate too much

I just can't control myself for eating unceasingly. Gosh, and I had stopped exercise since I back from hometown. All the plans gone.
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Being an unproductive person today and I feel I'm going to be crazy very soon. Boss gonna kill me soon as well.
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Consumed a big amount of Korean food and went for a movie 🎥 (it was just okay only, disappointed 😔)

There was a guy in the cinema looks so ignorance and funny 😂 (I'm sorry). He went in the cinema and walked a few rounds over the two rows of seats 💺 but couldn't find his. I wanted to help but I didn't. Thank goodness he finally found his seat, the hidden one as it was too dark. After the movie ended, he was like cutting through here and there and banging people (I'm one of it, but just hand). Haha. And he was like so cool 😎 wearing earphones and looking down at the phone and walked the wrong way. It's rare to find people who being so true (by his expression and the way he behaves).
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It's gonna be 1st of Nov soon. You know what's it if u had read since last year around this time. I'm not sure what to write or what to buy yet. Maybe I'll just do nothing and forget about everything.

fannen is lonely.

Maybe I'm exaggerating..?

After so long finally met with one of my friend whom I think is a gentleman so far. He was having relationship issues with his current girlfriend. He asked me for help but I'm not expert on this. All the ups and downs, how dramatic it was and out of sudden, I feel that it was a reflection of my case. I'm like so crazy and will be fine afterwards. Maybe I'm too emotional and cannot control it most of the time. Perhaps, what I need is attention. That simple only. Finger crossed that they will have a good and peace ending. At certain stage for sure will have arguments after all the sweet times. It's whether you go through it together or to let go.

That's part of the process in life. Take it or leave it!

All the best to you, Mr. J.
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Back to hometown. Every time is the same old folks story.
I don't know how come every time when I'm back I feel weird. Super strange feeling.
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How come you didn't tell me directly that I'm being too dramatic?
I better stop it 🖐🏼

Do you have arguments with your love ones? 😅

fannen.

A new friend

Recently I had been quite boring so I decided to reinstalled one of the social app where people can tell type out anything they want and people can reply or to like what they posted in anonymous status. Then, I posted my current situations and I got a few reply and in coming messages, which I feel great. Then there's this guy who came and understand my situation and we are kind of exchanging our life stories. Mon, passed. Tues, passed and right until Fri that is today, he left the city and we might not able to chat anymore. Well, he needs a friend but not me. I am sorry!

Sometimes, you feel strange where you can just talk about everything with a stranger instead of a good friend. Well, because you are not afraid of them judging you and the stranger feel free to give any comment or opinion. Do you had or have a stranger friend?

We did not manage to meet each other, maybe in the future or let it remain beautiful in the memories of 2016.

p/s: I will remember what you had taught and told me. Thanks!
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Going to neighbor country soon. Hopefully can meet my bro there.
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Not doing well in my work.. I feel super unmotivated and unproductive 😞
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I was shocked when I realized yesterday there was more than 100 views. That's incredible  ⁠⁠⁠🙀 It motivates me to write more 🖖🏽
Thanks everyone!

Enjoy your day (:

Arguments

Back to reality life. Today nothing much accomplished, tomorrow need to work really hard. Boss must be disappointing right now. Sorry!
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I should have wrong at the same time but I couldn't see where is it. Please help me realize what is my mistake as I always feel is other party. Gosh! I already give way so much and I explained it endless times but still can't understand. Be it what you say, I'm ugly, someone who doesn't put in any effort, talk too much and closed minded. Then what else can I say? You can't even give me a min of your precious life. Sometimes I regret the thing that I gave but people don't appreciate. But, that's their matter. Argh! Feeling so hurt but someone word just keep cutting my heart again and again that's because I'm stupid enough to let other hurts me. Fool. I don't know what to do now.

No talk then no argument at all, but no connection at all.
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Though life!

Almost used up all my money 😭😭
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Would you give way even when you know is not your fault? Maybe?

Just to save the relationship (be it kindship or friendship).


fannen

Mooncake Festival

It's the 15th day of the eighth month is lunar calendar. I miss playing with lanterns when I was a kid. I not fancy about my adulthood. Ah, time flies. I wish I could manage to own a space and I can do anything I like, but not that soon. Well, I just had a few bites of jelly mooncake by my hometown's neighbor. She is really such a kind lady. Doesn't has the atmosphere of mooncake festival.
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I make the wrong decision today. Ah, I should have follow my parents back to hometown since tomorrow is a holiday, a another long weekend. Gosh! I just managed to spent a little time with time. Feeling thankful that they came all the way from hometown and bought durian! My favorite fruits. Mom is so caring and loving. I wish I could have enjoy holidays with family.
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I had completed my very first puzzle that own by me 🖖🏽 one thousand pieces but boss said it right, I should have buy a larger one. Budget wise, maybe next month I'll go get another bigger one since the discount will last until next month.

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When someone take you for granted, what would you do? Forgive them? What if it's not about one or two times but always?

I feel like I'm an idiot. The cycle keeps going and I still believe in that person. Sometimes I feel like I'm mistreated but I still... sigh! Biggest mistake in life is to know you. Not saying that I'm good but I think I should stop thinking and doing so much until people can't see my existence. I can't just sitting there and wait and wait but nothing really works out. Doing so much things that doesn't give any better consequences.

fannen is useless.

Me? no title yet.

Today out of sudden I think of there's no title to address my current age. I am no longer a girl (too young to call me that). As for 'lady', I'm not at the class yet and for 'woman' it would be in later life or to say it's too generous.

Then, I feel like I should enjoy my current state because everything is so fresh and energize. How to address a female at her early 20's? I should have google on it. Hmm, no answer. I feel happy for a moment. It makes me feel like I am a real free-man. I can do anything I want and bear the consequence by myself. I am responsible for my very own act. Even thou financially is still not stable but God's grace is sufficient. "Let's celebrate!!"
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I started to miss my best friend. So long time we didn't chat. I think this is the longest time in my memory that we didn't even text. It is weird that I want him to text but I did not want as well. Well, 'commitment' is a big word. Maybe guy have their own way of committing in certain matters that they really want. I don't know, because I am not a male. I am trying but it is hard.

Perhaps, I am overly attached and it makes it getting more and more worse. It is hard not to think of someone whom you are obsessed with. Real HARD! It is like trying to forget who you are. I also start missing my family. Really hard for us to meet. No way to express...

miss you always.
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Okay, sorry for being emo (down). that's me!