LOss

What makes you lose hope?
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I have been kind of lost in everything and I became weaker day-by-day. I know I should be stronger. I can't.
That strikes me again & again. I cried.
When I am lost that time, that went and find S but, in the end, I messed up everything, I am angry at S because S said will text me the next day, but that does not happen. After a week, I tempted to show my disappointments to X but that does not help at all. S cannot sense it or I am not important at all. Eventually, no more text.

S, I can see your improvement and growth that does not happen to me at all. I wish that you & your family will have good health and continue to spread their genuine love. Take care!

To me, many things unresolved and I cannot do anything to disentangle. I love puzzles, but I cannot and do not know how to solve them.

Then I realized that I should not expect the amount of return that will be the same as much as I gave. Everyone has his or her right to return you a favor or not, even if that person does not appreciate it at all. After you gave it, do not think of anything else but hope what you gave would bring betterment either to yourself or the person.

I apologize that I might burst out of my emotions (anger, sadness..) out of my control. I am trying to dispose of all the negativities in me. I am not PERFECT nor I consider as GOOD.
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Many things I need to do, but not alone. I am still waiting for the one that would really take up this adventure with me until my last breath. I might do it alone, but it would not be so meaningful (in my opinion).

fannen