I can't, they can't afford.

If i am a billionaire.

How come we need to spend so much money for our education? It makes many who are poor not able to pursue their education. Without the cert you can't do much things actually.

I want my life. I will make it happen!

Believe and you can, fannen (:

You're the first!

We shouldn't hate someone in bottom our heart right? but they did. When you can't love, so you hate? Is it real? When you don't have love, you won't care then why hate exist? I don't understand! They quarrel in the public again. I just doesn't know where my face shall be hidden. Embarrassing! Self-cheating is not good at all (think positive). When the same issue occur, it doesn't help at all (for me).

Sad.sad.sad.

Seeing sometime you love cracking everyday, every hour and second.

You will first come into my mind automatically when i thought of anything. I know you would listen, give advice and scold just to help me. Unfortunately, I can't do it anymore and you won't. Now, you see a different me. I still hope you're here by my side to support me. Anyhow, i try not to as i promised. It's more and more far~

fannen, don't be greed. People already give more than enough. People enjoy life without you. What do you still want? What's not yours will not be yours. Let go and move on! Allow the sweetness you had ever tasted remain as old good memories in your life forever ((,:

I believe everoyone will have that particular people whom they think of most of the time (:

A nomad's grandma

An elderly who has no house to stay permanently. Her husband left her behind with six children in her young age. After years, her grandchildren grown and she even had upgraded to great-grandmother. In fact, she never suffer before. Once her husband passed away, her two oldest teenage children went to worked just to raise the other four siblings and maintain the family life. She is different in many ways compare to other women. The way she teach children, the lifestyle are special. Somehow, her traditional thoughts had great influence and shape her in that way she is always. Active at night, rest in day time. Her story is fantastic! It is not sufficient to write in a single post. Do allow her to appear at my blog separately in different characters.

In her present life, she quarreled with her beloved daughter-in-law. Hence, she needs to move all her luggage to her eldest’s son house. Nagging and story telling of the old good and bad times is her specialist. Ten years, twenty years, thirty years what she is saying are the same one as if her memories had stop in that particular moment. Her memories started to decades, possibly of her smoking habits, sleep in the daytime not night (body didn’t rest enough) and advance in age. She would say something the other way round. Greed on a silver plate had pushed her daughter-in-law to the border and burst.

In this case, we can’t say any party has no wrong. One has stolen; one has showed no respect to elderly. What say you? One day when your things were stolen and you are claim as a thief, would you angry? Alternatively, to say, you are throw out by your beloved children. I felt pity for her at times. For me, she might not aware of what she did and say. Everyone is human; no one would like to have no home that can keep warm. Still, no matter how, treats everyone the best and leaves no regret. What is reputation that so important even can destroy the kinship, which is so precious?

A mother is still a mother.

Easy Going

I have a friend who is very generous in all ways. Occasionally, I would admire her because they find pleasure in giving to others. Her life would be more easier and more simple rather than calculative and complicated. No doubt, my dad and brother are generous man. Hesitation wouldn't exist when they're giving. Happiness belong those who gives willingly. Less worry, more genuine.

I am blessed to met and surrounded by many generous people in my life. There's no way for me to repay them and feel so embarrass.

Reluctantly, i will be going back to KL to continue my degree soon. This time i will be alone as brother wasn't there anymore. Finally these few days we had dinner together by mom and bro. Brother would always help mom in the kitchen that's why mom likes him more. My bro is very caring especially towards family and friends. That's what i am lacking at. Blessed are girl who marry with him despite he is not handsome (:

** Readers **
Thanks for reading my boring blog especially from Germany and US!
Have a sound sleep (:

Not detail-person

I don't know what happen to my eyes.. My reading. I always skip or didn't see properly. Careless! I assume i see it the other way. Gosh!! If I continue to be like this i will get myself into more and more trouble. What a trouble-make am I!

fannen please change lar!

:,(

A drastic change

I saw a nice stray dog wandering around my village. Not sure, of its type but it owns a long-white fur. Dog do have their story. It did not go back to the house ever since its elderly master had passed away. Other family members do find him and it was at my village. The one who feed him came and asked him go back yet he refused. He chose to live a nomad’s life rather than staying in a big house with other dogs and provided with meal. That is a matter of choice in life. The best might not be what you want or suits you. In the eyes of many this dog is foolish. The house can provides shelter, companion and meal that many stray dogs admire and long for. Well, for me it has chosen freedom, independent and exploration, a life that he wants after fulfilled its duty (loyal to its master). What about you? You choose what the world believes is the best or you yourself believe is the best for you.
..
One day, someone complain to you concerning certain matters and unconsciously, you give your opinion of what he should do. Unexpectedly, he scolded and said you are wrong and gives unwise solution. Hence, you try hard to explain but the situation got worse. Would you be angry and wanted to fight back for your rights? And the next day, that person come and say sorry like nothing happened. Would you still like to give the person opinion when he comes again and complain to you? Sometimes, out of genuine heart we want to help people yet get bad for return. Once after received something we do not want or expected, we will never doing it anymore. However, who say after lend a hand or give we need to have good in return?

Do good not for a good return.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=459346394195872&set=vb.329201683877011&type=2&theater

A bend in the road

This place remind me of a novel, a bend in the road by Nicholas Spark, given by a good friend of mine as birthday gift.

In life, not all the roads are smooth and straight. Obstructions will be there waiting for us. Without these i guess our life would be so plain and robotic. A turn would makes great difference thus, don't make a wrong turn. However, we're all human, sure will make mistakes. No worries, there's always a u-turn before it's too late. Someone taught me that 'mistakes can be make but not the same one'.

In the past, mine was zigzag. I was so sad for it and wanted so much to make it straight. Foolish right? How can i go against the fate. Idealistic thoughts contributed more suffering, which not necessary. Self-abuse! Have a look back, they are all color pencils of my life. It is the specialty and uniquesness of my road. God wouldn't put someone in the situation where he or she can't afford to face. Learn from every steps la.

Not more than four months many happenings. MH370, plane lost (41st days). Korea, ship sink. Kapal Singh, a great lawyer of Malaysia had past away this morning in a road accident. Air, sea and land.

Don’t let go once you have hold it.

There’s a man who lives a simple life at a village in his middle age. Every day, he will ride his motorcycle everywhere he wishes. A slightly grey curly hair, specs, an old-pattern t-shirt, four-quarter pants and slippers are his outward appearance, which is typically an Asian ‘uncle’. However, he carries an interesting story behind him.

During his youth time, he ran away with his girlfriend to other country. I had forgotten which, but is one of the Western Countries. Should say he eloped with his girlfriend (sorry if I use wrong word). At there, he continued his studies and become a professor. I believe it must be a hard life for him. Nobody knows what had happened there but he and his girlfriend came back after many years. Both of them are considering ‘old’ for marriage in this society but what’s next is more touching. Romantically, this professor conducts a big marriage ceremony to marry his girlfriend. This is to let his girlfriend to have a status as his wife. A man who never neglect his girl. The wife is such a blissful woman. She did have her own sacrifices especially at the strong collectivism era but it is a great worth.

At least this professor finally can settle down at his own village and live a happy and ever life. Later on, I heard this professor was encounter with depression. He isolated himself with everyone and locked himself in the house. Maybe because he has a high status at overseas but once he came back he had lost everything. It’s a two different life. At a foreign land, you are a good professor, yet you did not feel being at home. On the other hand, at your own homeland you are just a man who ran away with your love. Now he is fine 

Anyhow, I just want to emphasize on his love story because I found that mostly people change their spouse like changing clothes. He and his wife had decided to hold each other hands and they never let go. No matter how hard, suffer, tough, sad and bitter they go through together. That’s sow in tears and reap in joy! Spouse who had gone through anything together will have stronger bond and more mature relationship.

This not only can apply to boy-girl relationship but also anything that you wish to hold. For instants your HOPE, DREAMS, FAMILIES and FAITH. There are no wrong or right as long as it wouldn't bring bad consequence. Do something that you like, don't trying to please anyone because no matter how good or best you're, people will still have negative feedbacks.

‘To love someone doesn’t mean you need to get married but as long as the one that you love are having a good life even without you’ is what I believe.

Are you not satisfy?

Last month, I was reading some reader digest during my practice, which is not the latest. There's a few pages showing different kinds of bedroom for different children all over the world. Some are luxuries, some are even without a roof.

Of course not to say some children are spoilt but they're born to be in a rich family. What to do? don't be jealous when someone is better than you! you have your own good and they have theirs. And also not to look down on the poor, they might poor in wealth but rich in the heart ((:

Well, I don't even have a room. My room had become store room..

Little fear

7/4
It's the second day in Singapore. That feeling of fear is back. Mom did say it is because my heart is weak. I don't know whether is true or not but it's uncomfortable. I need something or someone to hug but I found none.

Here, most of your time would spend on public transports. It's efficient for sure. However, they are all looking down. Sometimes I wonder how come their phone's battery can last that long because mine is like water flowing. Maybe mine is too old and not that advance.

I didn't manage to take nice pictures that I wish to.. mine is just a phone camera.

Anyway, it's a great chance that I am able to join the church counseling class. I did learn at least something new (: and met with many believers who we only manage to meet at Facebook throughout the years.

8/4
Early morning came back to Malaysia. This time I followed my cousin back by bus. Can't believe that brother will be coming back tonight (:

Live without an exam is so good!

85th Day

I started the conversation again! I always ask why always me? Fannen, don't you feel shameful?!? Anyway, I don't know how and what to say but at least we're friends at this moment.

Out of sudden, I feel like I don't want to continue my degree since I had done my diploma. Not to say I don't like my course but i don't think there's such need. The society had indirectly forced us to study as high as possible just to gain more acceptance and higher status. Like i care. It has defeat the purpose of study lo. Study is just for the certificate and no longer for learning. To be honest, you have higher education doesn't mean you are smart. Many things has to learn from outside of education. Back to the topic, I want to earn money just enough for my living and travel XD yea, I am selfish all the time. I never think of others.

I am more and more random nowadays. I just do and go anywhere and thanks for the unlimited freedom my parent had for me. Yea, I can do anything I want. Like a boss! Haha, :D Isn't it good?
* I will not be at M'sia tonight! (:

You're right! Last time I think too much. Some problems are not meant to solve but to accept it! 

Meet up

Having late dinner tonight. So guilty because it's later than 8pm. Fattening lo!

Every morning I see the parents with luxuries cars sending their children to school. They will stop in front of the school, get down from the car, and help the children to carry down the bag from the car. This will make one little road to jam yet no one will horn. Patients level reached the max. Everyone doesn't the same. So blissful! Some even having breakfasts with their children. It's 6 in the morning! Yea, this scene will never happen in my school life.

Night, four young peoples at a table having dinner yet everyone looking at their own electronic gadgets. No conversation at all. Then why meet up? Better stays at home and meet online. Sorry being sarcastic! Even though I sometimes will also look at my phone when I am not into the conversation.. but still need to change when knowing it's not a good culture.

Another table has four elderly. They talk and laugh! That's a rare scene yet it's the normal one.