SOB

Early morning felt so refresh and get ready to class as a new day and new month has began.

Somehow, it is not a good start because i got one of my coursework marks back. It's kind of disappointed. Yea, disappointed to myself. I am such an unless and lazy girl. It is just passed. Argh, repeat the same mistake again and again. That's call dumb and stupid or fool.

Everything had just screwed up.

Okay, no matter how worse the situation is, i must go through it.

Let bygone be bygones.
--
I enjoy night talk with you although sometimes or all the times we don't really know what to say or ask. It's good when someone willing to spend their time on you as time is consider important to everyone.

Let's see how long it's gonna take for this time.
--
My life has lack of a main character that gonna makes everything so different and worthwhile. One day, I will found.

Enjoy your day! (:

I dont know what to ask

When the conversations goes longer and more, I don't know what to ask or say. Every time when we talk through internet is approximate two hours. I like to listen to him but not to talk, however, he wants me to ask and talk more. I am not sure what he is interested at, so I didn't reveal many pieces of my life. One piece had just been shared.

I don't think he feels i am pretty and so forth.
--
Does best friend stays forever?
All these while I have many good friends but none can be my best-friend because I close myself and seems like no one can enter it. A mask is always on my face that none even realize it. My good friends also came and went. I won't stick to a person for long as none of them are supper glue. I didn't see it as bad as you will have lots of good friends everywhere. My best-friend must be my future husband. I would love to share everything with him and he must be one who doesn't judge me.
--
Saudade.

Break the rules

There is this man who out of sudden I told him my past. He doesn't agree with what I am believing and holding right now just because it is different from others. And of course he didn't judge, he just share his opinion and experience to me. I know what i am believe and I choose to follow. Truly believe that the teachings is good for me. My principles would not change when I think there is no necessity to change.

Talking to you and skype with you it is consider as breaking the rules. I shouldn't have told you so much and spend so much time on you.

He said I think to much and too far was just exactly what Z told me. I am not thinking too much but to think for the future. I hope it would be a good one. Yea, if it is perfect then there is no difference with robot. Seriously, some rules can be break but not all. Think carefully before every rule that you intent to break.

Thanks for teaching me so much stuffs especially regarding IT. Life without you in this moment would be a little plain.

Allowing you not to feel lonely or emotional down when you are alone. Makes you feel there's someone who can accompany you in the the silent night.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
If you are my cinderella,
I will give you shoes.

I'm sorry

When I though it was a lucky day but actually it is not. I got a stack of sticky notes for free and I have a free access ticket. I have never been so lucky before.

I went to a funeral of a believer yesterday. I didn't expect it was my friend's mother. I am so shocked.. Life is really too fragile. It's been years we never met face by face other in facebook. I feel so shameful for myself as I really have no idea about the lost. Years after years, when the time we met is on funeral service and we are getting older.

Would not attending the funeral service of you death separate wife? IF you are not attending, does it mean you are cruel or loveless? I believe he has the reason of not appearing himself.

But, if we know where you will be going after you died, then death is just a process of ending your the life on earth.
--
Done English presentation and left one more to go.
--
She told me that she was heart broken and the wounds that she has currently because of her work. Don't know what should I do. I love her and I doesn't want her to suffer that much. I need to study hard and get excellent result to make her proud. Her trouble is part of my account. Yea, I have troubles that couldn't be solve forever.

Love your enemy

It is one of the subtopic for Tuesday's sermon. It is easy for someone to put a fake smile on the face when he or she meets with the enemy. However, what is more challenging or hard to achieve is remove all the hatreds and smile genuinely to the enemy. I know sometimes it is very hard to give way or to let go of enemy. There are many reasons why people just doesn't want to forgive. Misunderstanding, face value, doesn't wants to be at the losing end and so forth.

Let's think who do you hate the most. It might be someone whom you loved before. Your ex-best friend, ex-crush, or ex-spouse? Why do we hate someone who, we truly love before? Isn't love is unconditional? Probably he or she did something wrong or hurt you in the past. Don't ever change your love to hate but change hate to love instead. To forgive and forget but, in fact many can forgive but can't forget. At least you forgive right? Living in hatred is not good at all, should try to be happy instead. Actually from the bottom of my heart, if you care that person then only you will hate. If not you won't bother about it at all.

To love is better than to hurt.

Don't give up!

At times, you really wish that someone would always by your side and makes you feel that you are not alone in this world. That person would just keep making sure that you are fine and constantly makes you feel happy and keep laughing. Have you found one?

I have many temporary people around me who makes me feel i am not alone. They appeared at different phase of my life that allow me to feel the bliss in life. Even though there is none who can last longer yet, I am thankful for it. Everyone has their own path to walk, so don't be so demanding that people need to stay in your life forever.

Was reading a book halfway, I truly feel sad for their love story so far. Both of them doesn't know they had fallen in love with each other. So each of them married another person. Sadly, they're both their best man for each other's wedding. They just missed every single chance. That's pretty sad and argh... I hope the ending doesn't disappoint me.

Yea, not every love story have a beautiful ending. As long as both love each other deeply and accept the imperfections, love will make a broken things to be perfectly fixed without scar.

You who are reading this, hope that you have a beautiful love story. Do share with me if you don't mind (: *Good things are ought to share!*

Calm down fannen

I was so angry and fed up. The graduation's photo was so disappointed. It's like not professional one. And with simple edition they need to charge up to RM50.

While walking to the bus station, a nice car who wanted to make a turn didn't give signal. So what? You have nice car you can save your signal? It was so dangerous even I am walking but not driving.

Okay, I need to cool down.

People will always help me when I need help. I am just too pampered. I owe everyone around me. I am a blissful girl who sometimes love to complain and discontented.

They just want me to be with him

First of all, I really need to thank God for today's achievement!

I have been busy the whole day. Fuhh! Leg seriously pain because standing for too long.

It is my graduation day. My parents came and I got two bouquet of flowers and one bear. Kinda excited of the picture that was taken just now. If God's will, after two more years I will be wearing the graduation gown again (:

Okay, they are so mean. They wanted he and I to take picture together. We're really just like brother. He is really good but not for me. Should I stop asking help from him? But we're indeed a good friend. Those we can tease one another and have mutual understanding. I seriously doesn't want to involve in any relationship. I need time and I not fully able to let go.

Today most of the people at least got spending time with family except me because they need to rush back as tomorrow they need to work. Johor's system (most southern part of M'sia), Sunday is consider the first day and they will study on that day and Friday is an off day for government school. Everyone asked the same question, "Why are you here? You didn't go and celebrate with your parents?" ... my heart was thinking "Who don't wish to?"

I never left my phone before.. but left it at church charging and no one I can contact with. And I asked him for help but was rejected. Anyway, meet my phone tomorrow. Ha-Ha. I hope I won't sleep late because I don't have any alarm. After this incident, seriously feel the need of phone but I can survive with it.

Let's see what will happened tomorrow (: Good night..

My hair was straighten once again.

i met with my parents just now! They came all the way from Johore to KL just for tomorrow. *touched*

The fridge was fulled again! Say bye to hunger for a while.

Thanks to housemate helped me to straightened my hair for temporary. Feel confidence!

I am so sorry Mr. E. I didn't saw your message and didn't manage to drink the soup you prepared. And your stuff I seriously forgot to bring.

Feeling guilty...

Graduation gown

I took my graduation gown today. The excitement is there and I am going to attend my diploma graduation this Saturday! Oh, parents are coming tomorrow. I miss them seriously very much.

Two years before this I never expect this day will come to me. Ha-Ha.

It's been a while i didn't think and wonder on many issues. That's why I didn't have much to write. Give me some times... because I am quite busy recently.

Shouldn't I be happy?

Every morning it's so quite and calm as everyone is still sleeping especially there's no class for everyone.

Once I opened my eyes this morning, it's 3 a.m. and most of my housemates yet to sleep and the girl sleeping besides me keeps dream talk. I have no idea what have I ate or drank that makes me woke up at that time as I am really tired. Exhausted. I tried so hard to make myself fall asleep but I still failed. Later, 4 a.m. mother wish me "Happy birthday" but at that time I had fallen asleep until this morning the alarm (not mine) ring again. I have no idea why she needs to on her alarm on public holidays or even every morning while she will sleeps back. Every morning her alarm wakes me up rather than wakes her up.

Morning bro post a status of a short birthday wish on my fb timeline.

I am sad not because I don't have a cake on my birthday, yet it is because I don't have family around me. I consider have quite many friends, however, they doesn't let me feel the sense of one family. Wishes from them might be encouraging.. in fact, what I want is their presence.

A girl that always miss home.

I wish it was still the same

Today my friends gave me a little surprise by celebrating my birthday- though it is not today.

From the bottom of my heart, I doesn't feel so excited or happy. Just a normal day. I am sorry, my friends. Perhaps I might not expect it in this way. It is better to have less expectation. Last two years, no matter how, I would want you to wish me but this year, I not dare to do so anymore. I know that you would not wish me anymore. There's no one who really can understand how I feel, i may be too complicated already.

From the bottom of my heart, I am reluctant to let anyone come near you at first. But, regardless, you will be with someone else. That's the cruel fact but I need to accept.

Life is easy without you.

Still have no plan for tomorrow. I doesn't want to stay at the unit for whole day. I wish to have a companion to date with but on the other hand, i wanted to have a personal space with myself. Giving myself a treat (:

It grows deeper.

I dream of that special person again and again.

There's no way you can escape from my mind. I tried and tried. It is still the same.

When the time I knew that I should let go, it's all too late. The love grows deeper and deeper day by day that I can't even imagine how deep it is.

I wish one day I would wake up with loss of memories.
The memories that you had given me are wonderful but I hope I have the chance to say no to it.
It can consider the best memories that
I ever had but I think it doesn't belong to me.
Neither shouldn't I obtain nor have the rights to own it.

At times good and beautiful memories doesn't seems to give you good feeling in the present life. As you know, it will forever remain as histories of your life and they wouldn't come back anymore.

oh, the bus

Remember what I always see the situation on the bus.

I am not sure for other countries or states, in KL my area, if possible people would not sit next to each other. They would choose the place where no one is sitting beside as the seats are two by two. When all the rows are occupied by a person, then the leftover will choose to sit with those similar characters one. For instance, it would be same gender, race or even age. Do we really that reserved? Or we have social restriction since long time ago? Can't we just say hi to each other and enjoy the journey together with a little chit chat? Rather than looking at own electronic gadgets. Communication face to face is lesser compare to before. It's different culture with different thoughts.

Anyway, the one who always choose to sit with me will be guy with different race and older than me.

I do enjoy looking at the mirror enjoy the view (although at here is nothing so interesting, just pretend) and wondering. Ha-Ha. Ponder upon something that might not happen in real life or something about the past.

A sudden plan

Lacking of sleep seriously, came back from McD almost 2am. Woke up at 7am to get ready for morning prayer. Enjoy the moment of taking bus where the bus is almost empty.

Punctuality. Okay, I know I can't bear with people who is late, although I would be late at times. I think, if that thing is important to you, then you won't have any excuse to be late. You would wake up with excitement and get ready as soon as possible.

I went to Pahang just to follow them to visit an old lady. She had been abandoned there. It took us 2 hours an half to reached there as we never been there before. That's the place where they accept people with disabled without any money. This is what i heard from them, who knows indirectly they had accepted money. The environment will makes your heart ache. There are around hundreds of old folks living there. She cried when she saw us. I know there's nobody come and visit her. Truly from the heard, all she wants is to see her sons. I believed she doesn't accepts the truth that her sons abandoned her here alone. All the folks are being locked inside. Oh please, they are also human.

On the way back, we had durian. I am not sure you like it or not but basically I am a durian-lover!

Well, I basically forgot what I need to write. Opps, sorry!

Oh, July

Yea, it's july. Most probably the month that I love. Next week will be church outing and after that week would be my dip convocation day. The best thing about convo is I can see my parents again! Let's ignore all those midterms and presentations. Before that would be my birthday, yea, I hide it so that I can know who is the one who can remember.

Today is a Sabbath Day!

Let's be happy and enjoy weekend!

For that person

Would you do something to please someone you love even though you are not interested in it?

Don't you feel tired after doing something you doesn't like but still you do it for that special person in your life?

I think it depends on how much of love that you have for that person.

Sometimes it is worth for you to do so, but not all the times and all the situations.

On certain occasion, it might not worth. As no matter how much you did, you won't touch or move that particular person's heart.Is like why not you spend your time and love on someone who truly appreciates it?

I sacrifice just to remain my love for him. And that's the most stupid decision i had ever make.

No turning back!

Cry for Life

I saw the men who is a foreigner and asked my friends and I to "cry for life!" months ago.

Neither or us knew him or see him before. That time we are laughing at certain things and suddenly he walked by. Thus, he thought we were laughing at him and he turn his footsteps and asked why are we laughing at him. Seriously, that time three of us got shocked. After tried to explain then he finally went away. He turned back and asked us to cry. I asked him back, why should we cry? So he added on "CRY FOR LIFE"

It makes me feel that he must have gone through a lot. I wish I could have known him and get to understand his situation more.

What do you think?

I got stalked.

Seriously, I doesn't know how that person can find me with that little information of me. I can't accept it. I give salute to you!

It is the second day of raining. Cold! I can hear the sound of the rushing wind.

How come those who treated me so good are not the one whom I seriously care? I am so sorry to those who put so much efforts on me..

Somehow I wish to have a soul mate or a travel partner. That willing to share part of his life with me. I prefer man. I mean mature man. It's hard to define here as everyone has their own perspective and definition. The one man who can teach me many things about life and many things. It's just a dream or wish... in reality, it might be a great difference. Ha-Ha!

Last times, I thought that I found one, but actually I am wrong. I have come to accept the fact that one day I need to see him in the church hall in red carpet, waiting for his bridegroom to arrive and said, "I do." I admit that I often dream of him and I have no idea why. Hoping that he would not appear in my dreams anymore and I believe he doesn't likes it.

I assume I still can't let go..........

An Advice

She told me that I knew the answer, just do it. Don't ask when I already know the answer.

At times, we really know the answer yet we still want to ask because we might need a double confirmation.

In the blink of an eye, half of the year had gone. It's already enter the month of July. Last few months I was so excited about July yet I forgot what's the reason. Convocation? Birthday? It doesn't seems to be so important anymore.

Oh ya, I am counting down the days of me to officially become 21. two ten years had gone. but I did learnt many things in life.

I hope I have a more beautiful and abundant life ahead (: