Neglected

Last Saturday I felt that I have spend less time with someone I love. My parents, my brother and my love.

Parents visited me yet, I couldn't find time to spend with them. I'm so useless. It is always hard to me to find a balance these few years.
--
Being in long distance relationship is harder than I expect. I hope I can get through this.

Communication, culture, gender and language are all sorts of barriers that hinder me.

I have become someone that is emotional unstable and not able to be so rationale anymore. Hope he can bears with my current state.
--
Spend as many times as you can with something or someone that is important to you. Chances are not always there. Once you have missed, it can never be return back.

Leaves no regret!

Reality strikes

Just ended my finals and trip to Ipoh. I was fun trip though. I really enjoyed and managed to meet with my grandma.

I have no idea what to do for my FYP. Finally get to meet my mother. Like finally!! But she's tired.

I miss you.. I'm sorry.

Enjoy the distance.

Technology has draw us more far from each other when we're side by side, while drawing people a far off nearer.

I agree with the first at certain circumstances, while another is kind of not. People wouldn't be more appreciative when they can get connect but rather taking advantage (since there's internet everywhere and anytime, why we need to always keep contact?). That is why I salute and envy my parents' era of writing a letter to each other when they're apart.

After emo and have a deep thought, I shouldn't force or making more extra effort to be near, instead, I shall enjoy the distance we had for each other. Enjoy what I have here, people around me and be loved. I won't request anything more from now on because if people really care, they will find dozens of way to be nearer to me. More like mom and I, we often have random chat through social apps, but just simple and adorable one. When we meet, we will have all long conversation of what had happened when I'm not around and I will tell her about my pathetic life over here. I'm really happy when I see her, because she knows me the most and I don't need to hide anything from her. She's indeed very understanding and kind. I hope brother did that to father too.

I certainly miss a lots of people and of course I still need to live my life over here.

Do give some distance :)

L.O.V.E.

Cried again, ...

Yesterday out of the blue I burst into tears. Pillow absorbed my tears customary.
--
We didn't carry on with our daily routine because, I was too distressed.
--
April's fool! Our country welcoming GST disappointedly, and we hope it was a joke.

Well, I'm not sure about the April's fool history but today when I looked through FB this morning, many people were make jokes where I feel some are indeed quite ironic.

~will update more later of my thoughts :)

Lazy Sunday

Almost the end of March and my final exam fall on this Friday. Yea, I haven't prepared but I guess I need to start study by today.
--
He is getting sweeter. I know that and he can sense my sadness that I hide from him. Bravo. Many peoples have different kinds of dreams and same go to me. I am not a good planner where I prefer random activities. Well, somehow I need preparation but still, that's somehow contradict. Lol. Think about my future, right after one year I would be able to graduate. I'm not sure what am I going to do. Perhaps an police officer at my country's neighbor.
--
It's been a long time where my parents, my brother and I gather together. Although only four of us, still we didn't manage to have a meet up. Life is getting harder and I'm lazier and hopeless. Sometimes I have a feeling of missing someone yet, I don't know who and why. And I started to be more emotional unstable and weak. Friends are telling me that I'm not as strong as before. I think I need to be strong back then only I can help more people.

Looking back at my pictures of sun I think by next semester I'm able to take nicer with the new devices.
--
Hope everyone have a nice Sunday and find a reason to smile (:

Broken Innerly

These few days I was so fed up and I can't control my emotions. It was so down and I hope someone could drag my up. Yea, he doesn't care but others seems to be more concern of me.
--
Love bought me a cute little bear in his own country that cost him much, I guess. It was wearing a cute red dress. I should be happy because that might be considered the first gift he bought for me without me knowing.

He is good but sometimes I don't understand what it is so hard to tell me what he is doing at that moment. I have been spending most of the time waiting for him to text me or call me. But, ended up he either her has something on going or the net was slow at both side. If it is success, I would be less sleeping hours. I shouldn't throw tantrum on him. Yesterday, I let all my schedule off just to make sure I have a proper time or at least half day to be with him online. However, I ended up looking at the phone playing games, watched videos and sleeps. At last, all I got was a text with just sorry for no reply. I planned to have sweet talk but... I wonder it is a way of testing how strong I can be for him?
--
I am so homesick, at least my family won't hurt me in that way. They might disappoint me, but they love me most.
--
I dislike my degree life and no one seems to be able to stand on my shoes. Never mind, God is watching and He will strengthen me. He will always be there for me.

I apologized that for long time I didn't update y blog and yea, today is International Women's Day (:

Why care?

Sometimes you want to be true to a person in terms of feelings but then certain feelings doesn't seems to be presentable such as sad, angry and hate. You might think I would hurt the other person when you show it out and relationship would surely be affected.

I always don't show my true feelings as it is not presentable. Happy is a far emotion that so hard to reach in my stand. Sad and disappointments always surrounded me. The reasons that I don't show are because I don't want people to worry about me. Next, people may be affected and feel annoy like how come this lady always in sad mood. And I know, a real fake smile would helps to avoid many issues. Angry, I do angry on particular matters but I keep it. Well, if I show it out for sure I will hurt someone. Enough for being bad as I know the feeling of awfulness. Why not just give way and everyone be happy. It is not easy and depends on which culture you are in. I'm not stereotype but kinda true.

I am drenched emotionally. All had dried up.

A special friend who reminds me that I need to cope with it. If I can do it then I'm strong. The more obstacles, it is a way to train me up to be stronger and tougher. Do enjoy your life while still young!

Shalom (:

Did you miss someone?

Truly, the awful feeling is so bad when you missing someone else on the other side of the earth. Who do you miss? Must be someone, which is meaningful to you and you love. I really miss him so much to the extent where my eyes were never dry up. That's beyond my expectation. Never ever miss someone that much. All I can do is to close my eyes, hug tight my pillow and imagine the person I miss. I know it would makes me more miss as my tears would flow endlessly every time I did that. However, people says cry would somehow helps. I'm not sure but that's my natural reaction that I didnt intent to cry that much. Really a lot as my empty space would get flooded soon if I didn't manage to handle it as fast as possible.

I think he is celebrating his birthday today with his families. How sweet it is as I never ever has a birthday party ever or to say I always have a lonely birthday. Hence, I hide my birth date as nobody cares. It's okay (: This year, I'm gonna celebrate alone although I had missed out the opportunity to celebrate with my love and the get a gift from him.

Whenever I'm free, I'll go to the place where we once went and to retrieve the memories of ours for my own survival. It is more empty in the space.

I shall not hope for anything but to accept what had happened and matters that are coming soon. Let the strong winds blow away my bad mood and bring relaxation and happy feeling.

How do you feel?

What do you feel when you see a beautiful bride walking down the aisle and finally meet and hold the hand of the bridegroom? Feel love and happy? If I am the one, I would feel great for the couple that they had finally start their journey of two. However, I'm a bit sad as I don't think I'm able to be able to have the chance walking down the aisle. I'm afraid of marriage and the older I get, the more I don't want to get married. It is good that you can have a status as husband and wife and walk together the rest of the life. But, how many manage to walk finished? Or had changed their marriage's partner?

When seeing people giving birth and have their own babies I feel so amazing, lovely and bliss. But then I have decided not to have one even when I get married. I am no longer able to take up the responsible as a mother.

The most touching is when I saw old couple still holding hands and take good care of each other sweetly. That's how I believe love can last forever if you found the correct one. Not easy but you can try, not as if try to date as many girls as possible but their to be complete with each other, just like a jigsaw puzzle.

Can I Give Up? No!

These few days were the saddest days in my life. I'm strengthless and sad. Who can give me a support or hug?
--
No text from him was liken to being in the dark night. I know I need to be understanding but.. I miss him that badly, which would makes me crazy.

Maybe I need time to calm down. Eyes were swollen and tired after crying for so many nights.

I would like to apologize for being unreasonable. And I don't want to play with you anymore. I'm real tired.
--
Going back to the empty space tomorrow.

Alright?

Hey, how was your day? It is a good day or a bad day? neither happy nor sad?
--
Mine supposed to be good day as I met up with my granny. I miss her so much and we hadn't contact each other since last year. Then, my day was liken to the thunderstorm where I dislike. Tears almost flow out of my eyes but I controlled it. Out of sudden my mood was so down and the day was so blue.

All kinds of thought rushed into my mind as before. Then I realized, living in reality, in the presence is so cruel. I still couldn't accept it. Living in presence doesn't means is bad, yet depends on the situations. For me this year, better for me to stay back to my dream and past.

I'm a person who cannot and not able to face the real truth of things that had happened. Believe me, it was scary like nightmare. Somehow, a murderer of my happiness and blissfulness.
--
Didn't managed to text with him since 6pm. It nust be his place don't have internet signal. Hope everything was good for him.

The 8th day

It has been a week where he left Malaysia. Hopefully Malaysia worth for him to miss. A never promise future of meeting each other again would be liken to a bomb in the heart. It would explode any time whenever it is not taken care properly. How can I not miss someone that care for me more than the normal people would do?
--
Attachment.

I have read many articles and heard of saying some girl get too attached to guy and the guy would feel annoy. Admitted, I did been too attached and he said it is okay. Maybe he doesn't wants to hurt me or he meant it.
--
I was getting more and more lazy. Hopefully I can survive on MUET exam.

fannen, overcome your weaknesses.

5th day

Well, I did cried yesterday night. In addition, I had a serious cold at midnight and keep coughing so, didn't managed to help parents today. Resting in the house. I hope it was not so called "lovesick" lol.
--
Yea, other than to be strong, there's no other way. Cry doesn't help but makes me feel better. Let's keep looking forward for the day when we meet again.
--
Realized that my semester break would be super short. Aww.. :'( dislike, need to go back the space and there's an English test waiting for me. Well, I'm not prepared.
--
Would you fall in love into someone else when you're in a relationship? How come?

LDR

It is the 4th day, I miss him so much. I cried every night since the first day he went back. He asked me to be strong for our love. Yea, previously I thought I was strong but actually I'm weak and fragile. We still have long way to go. I didn't hope for much as I don't want to be disappointed and hurt. All kinds of ending I will accept and learn from it.
--
Have you ever met with the situation where the right person came on the wrong time while wrong person came on the right time?

Sometimes, there are opportunities but the timing seems to be so wrong. Anyway, we need to be confident in what we choose and never look back or regret. Do for the best and learn even if it was a wrong choice.
--
I never miss a person so much. It is kind of emotional unstable. Was it a normal state? Or I'm exaggerated?

Done exam

All I can say is to thank God for the last paper. Even though I doesn't know which test to use for every questions.. I just go according with my heart. It might be wrong but at least I wouldn't be that worry. Now I'm waiting for Sunday to come.

These few days there are strong wind I can feel especially I'm living in up above 17th floor.

Yesterday night I keep hearing the wind sounds and worry for today's paper. Finally, nightmare had ended.

My first camera in life had arrived today that i had waited since Monday. It's not bad and I can't wait to use it anywhere. Yay!

Planning to watch drama online yet internet line was so down most probably someone loading a stacks of movie again. Can we share the internet? Download one by one instead of all together. Other people still need to use lo.

--
He was indeed so sweet to her these few days. Blissfulness overload! Love you, by her.

What a bad day

Can't feel anything positive about the afternoon paper just now. It is like your heart has stop for a few seconds or even a minute after look at the questions. It has been long time I never felt like this before. Let's hope for the very best on tomorrow self-study. It was about statistic, counting here and there.
--
Let's sleep early.
--
In a relationship you need to confront but somehow it is risky if the relationship is not stable. After confronting, both of the getting along in a better way. More of little sweetness and love. Less quarrel and less conflict. If you're not a kind a stable and you don't wish to let go, you better not. It is good if you tell each other the truth so that people can improve for better. But in a proper and nice way, not too straight forward especially for girl. They will remember it forever.
--
Goodnight!

He changed.

Left two more papers to go. Oh my gosh, i'm kinda excited for the second right after Wed, 11am.

--
He was so sweet today. It is seldom for him to said he miss her and excited for the day they are able to hang out together. He gave her a text-kiss whenever she asked for it. Huuray!

"Let's not quarrel anymore!"
--
I am excited for my gopro too. For the first time i ordered something online. And for the first time I bought myself a proper camera. Gonna use it for coming sem break trip. I hope it doesn't disappoint me.

Actually I do not know what would happen for tomorrow paper as we do not know what we shall read for. Maybe I should be positive don't be sad and I will realize more good things (:

fannen

A stressful life.

I still think coming back here would allow me to feel better.

I had such a stressful and mess life here. 2014 would be fantastic but a great stressful year. I found someone that should suppose to support me ended up I support that person.

Rain fall. And my tears fall.

I feel so down that I can't lift up my head and stop the tears from falling down.

Study for hours but remember nothing. Texted with mom and I doesn't want her to worry about me. She asked how's my exam and so forth as usual those mother's questions'.

I pray everyone would have a smooth exam tomorrow. Hope you readers would able to cope with everything in life. There will be a way out (:

I love you, my love.

fannen

Feeling empty

Although she is in a relationship but at times she feel alone. Maybe she doesn't feel the connection when she can't reach to him (be with him, get his reply).

Somehow, she got a words from stranger that "Boyfriend is just PART of your life, not ALL."

After all, she still feels unless you really found a right one, you don't get into a relationship. It would makes you crazy when there's misunderstanding and you would care so much because the other people is so much important to you. That's worse when the other side doesn't show care or love in return.

She doesn't prevent people from being in a relationship. Why not? It is not easy to find the other half especially in this society.

All the best to all couples on earth (:

Remember that relationship depends on effort from both parties. If you foresee the issue, solve it or let go. Don't keep holding on something that you know it is not yours. It is okay to be hurt but not all or same the time. An advice; don't forget your true self, be real ((:

New Year Routine

It is always I need to welcome my new year with final exam. This is the third year. I done one of the paper without nervous. That's kind of strange but still a good one.
--
He is find now but I feel his gf doesn't happy at all. Playing fool too much might not be the right things at times. Sometime people said, after getting too close you need to move farer from each other sometimes. Getting too close most of the time might has side effect. Maybe his gf is trying hard but the bf doesn't seems to notice about it.

Im sorry

I apologize. I should have meet you once I came back but I didn't. I'm not able to be by your side when you need someone. I love you deer. Don't ever leave me alone. I need you so much that I myself can't imagine.

I know text would be hard but I'm trying hard to make sure you are okay and fine physically and mentally. Don't wish you do something that is not worth.

I have to study but in meanwhile I cry and cry because you are pushing me away. Maybe you are right,  you need time to cool down and I should give you some space. It is time to loosen up the robe.

Only prayers can help you, miss you.