She is still the best!

Recently life has not been that good but it gives me time to think about what's my kind of life's direction. What kind of life suits me and good for me.

I hope I see the life's journey more early, but it's not all too late. It just a little more messed up and gotta deal with it. But it's okay, nothing is too late when you still have your breathes.
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Recently, mom keeps calling me from time to time and I really appreciate it because she knows I need her. She brought me lots of fruits and homecooked meat (frozen) so I can unfreeze it and eat. Her love for me is overwhelm and I miss her. Thankful for having her in my life. She is the only one who doesn't judge me but constantly concerns me. That's the love of a mother!
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I know it's pretty hard to find someone who really understands me but I did not dare to ask much for my life as God's grace is sufficient for us.
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Sooner or later those march makers would come and find me but so far I try to make clear that I'm not ready. I don't care what they trying to do (even out of good heart) they just don't know my story. I'm sorry!
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My own vacation is coming soon and I don't know how it will goes but for sure I'll be getting fat and I just need to buy some stuff for myself. Just this time, usually I don't simply buy things for myself.

Hope everyone has a nice day!

As a failure

Was being scolded yesterday and this afternoon being scolded again.

I know I am annoying and that is why I need to stop talking and just listen. I almost cry but just got to bear with it, you can't just cry in the public (not say cannot but I will try not to).

Well, that got to do with my mood swing. Seriously need to control it.
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Parents are here but I don't have time for them. Sigh.
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But thank God, today I realized something that is important where I always neglected. I think once again God had tell me clearly what is the direction that I should walk and leaves no regret in life.

I recently been a bit confused and lost in life because I did not walk my path properly.

No idea what am I writing..

fannen

Weakest time

Headaches strike me again after just a nap. But still have to get ready for tomorrow's flight.

Well, hope for the very best for my coming training and not to be lazy anymore.

There's a stranger who reminds me that I should have a full-body checkup while my doubt arises at the same time. Am I really ill? It is always a pain on that part of the head and body aches from time to time. Or is it that i did not do any kind of exercise? Well, I will try to do some but I won't go for a check-up. Even though I am not ready for accepting any kind of illness in my body but I always know that I am not that healthy and fit. If I don't live up that long, I hope I can at least do the very best before it ended.
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The preacher did say about how Abraham, his oldest servant, Isaac, and Rebekah entrusted and submissively accept the arrangement of God in the marriage of Isaac and Rebekah (Genesis 24). He described how a woman at that time who is a virgin (clean), beautiful (inner and outwardly), and kind from the bottom of the heart (drew water for herself, the oldest servant and the camels, which is not less than 14). How much water does she has to draw for all, that shows how fit she was physical. The preacher said nowadays, girls' room is kinda messy and they are so thin as if the wind can blow them away.
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Recently, I learned from a girl who is so fervent and I know she prays a lot. The grace of God is bountifully pouring on her. She is just like Rebekah in the bible with a kind heart, fit and beautiful in all ways. It is not comparing who is better but I felt shameful for not able to be the best of me.
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Many things keep in the heart that makes it so complicated and you hope one day you could truly let it go by cutting it off. I do dislike the way when I am being too emotional. That really kills everything. Anyway, this year I have one resolution that is to be thankful, so I do not wish to complain about life anymore. That has gone too far in the past of all my negativity that has to pull myself to a very low state.
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Spend the last week with truthful people and enjoy every moment except for the headaches part. Enjoy up to the extend that boss wants to chock me but thankfully I am female (can't call myself girl, lady, or woman).

fannen

Lonesome Update

How are you, beautiful people? (not literally mean outer beauty)

Sorry, I always forget to blog. My fault.

Well, every time when I look at the statistics I am pretty overwhelmed by the results.
I have no idea that those who read this dull blog are those whom I know personally or not but thanks for the view.

Life? Living a lonely life for sure.

Yesterday I realized that I am very emotionally unstable and I am stubborn to a certain extend.
I am supposed to be quite happy yesterday until someone important raising his voice at me as if I am the one to blame. It totally spoils my mood and I become sad right at the moment. So, I cried to sleep.

Work, so far being a tester, and I hope I can do it well because I am a bit messy and I need to know my stand.
Well, I don't know that is it my supervisor giving me clues that I did little or I am too sensitive but it is time to catch up speedily.
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Relationship, I am actually afraid to start a relationship. I am afraid to lose our current friendship. Obviously, I am kinda good with certain guy friends whom I think if I work hard, we might have progressed in the friendship but I choose to pull my handbrake from time to time because I enjoy the current moment when there's a pure friendship that would last forever.

I know that if I got into a relationship, everything will get worse or worst. So to my guys' good friend (whom I regard as), I am sorry but let's cherish the friendship that we obtain now. I do not want to risk and lose another good friend again. I can't give you my best as for now and I am no longer who I am. I need to find back my best self. I sincerely hope that you will find a good wife (to be precise).
#fingerscrossed

Time and Mr. Right is always do not exist together.

fannen

Been to a better place..

Recently, there is the nicest uncle in the church passed away, it was too sudden and most of us feel so reluctant.
He was 72 years old but with a young and energetic heart. He did a lot of small little things that give us a deep and good impression. I cried a lot when I got to know that he is no longer on this earth. He is now back in the bosom of God. He left many good examples that regardless of age, you can learn from it. He planted so many plants and trees around his house and also around church compound, he repaired the leak pipes, he bought ice cream for the children as well as the youth, always gives us a cheerful smile 😁 , volunteer to fetch the students back after church service, lead the hymns and the list goes on and on. He is such a good man and until his wake service, his daughter said he never raises his voice to them. Where else can I find such a mature, cheerful, and gentleman? Always gives the best to others.
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It is the new year, though I couldn't say it is a good one or a bad one, but definitely, it starts with a good lesson in life.
Do what you love, be honest, cherish the time and people around you and what's more important is to never leave God.
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Almost one week I cannot fall asleep before 12am. And I sleep until quite late in the morning. Even though I need not go to the office to work but my sleeping time had been disturbed and I can't focus on work. I feel sleepy 24/7. I do not know what happens to my body and I keep feeling hungry even I ate a lot a few hours ago.

This year, same as last year I do not have specific hope, wish, or resolution. Because without all these, I'll have no disappointment!

Just do your best and make it another awesome year and a better self.

Cheers! 🍻

Someone you LOVE | Someone you want to LIVE with

I always say that the perfect timing and the right person doesn't synchronize, at least in my case.

Well, letting go someone whom you love and to pursue after someone who has the same concept, dreams and lifestyle would it be a foolish decision? I do not know.

Some people say, married the one you love. If you love someone, then you can compromised everything and there's no issue, but what if only you are the one who love? And how many great love that you still can find in this world? Aren't love have to develop and grow day-by-day? Even the people you love would have different opinion and dreams.

While others, married someone that you can live with even without love. You both can be super BBF but there's no love, or only from one side. So it is really hard to find balance between both. If both have the happiness and I believe it is greater gifts than anything else. Common, how many genuine happy people that you still can find? At this moment, I couldn't think of any friend who is happy from the bottom of their hearts.

These two seem to contradicts and they go on and on.
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Mom and I had a disagreement recently and we just stop talking/texting when the topic pops out.

I did not know when, my mom and I had started to get close with each other and really talks a lot when we both meet. Sometimes, I am busy with my works in the city and she would text me and ask how am I. She is the best, and I hope she would stays with me in the future. It's been a long time we did not argue with one another but this time we just can't come to agreement. I know she is right but, I hide something from here and she has no idea about my situations.
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How's your daay?

I love 2016, but I hope it ends fast before I ruined it.

Cheers,
fannen

I changed

Everything had happened so fast and I realized that I am no longer who I am. I do what I want without thinking of the consequences and I am sure I lost two important people in my life. I miss the former self. Now, I am a total stranger to myself. I changed, to the extend that I cannot accept it. All I can do is to wish them all the best.

Work, Graduation, etc it's all about transition.

Yesterday I almost cried during work, but now all is over.

Anyway, hope everyone has a blessed day.

Though I make mistakes and in life there's no eraser, just gotta learn from it and go through it.

Thank God in all circumstances.