I can't believe that even I had missed out on a few memorial services but I still able to maintain the record of attending each month. For others, it might be a coincidence but I know it's the harvest time where God calls back His workers (be it you believe it or not). Life is really short and unexpected, should face it boldly, and always cherish the moment as it might not be your last breath but someone else whom you love.
Tomorrow I'm going to renew my passport and I'm kinda afraid because I never did that alone before and I'm going to a place that I never been to. Hopefully, I can get it done smoothly #fingercrossed 🤞🏽
Finally, I have decided to go back to hometown. After working for one year I did not keep my promise for going back at a certain time. Mom did ask me you come back for what purpose? And I don't know how to answer her. Maybe usually I'll go back with a reason but this time just purely goes back to visit my parents. I should keep my promise. No more excuse.
Bought a box of ice cream again :b can't wait to consume it, hahaha!
Hope you who are reading this would have a nice day ahead or have a sweet night ((:
fannen
Wednesday, July 19, 2017
Wednesday, May 10, 2017
The 5th..
This morning I went to another funeral service. Well, it was the fifth one this year and I guess every time I get something precious back.
For this time I guess it is the spirit of being in one family. You can see how much they love each other with genuine hearts. Even though it might be hard that one has left this world but they'll meet in heaven. What's left is the memory that once they had. I believe the late mother is a very good worker of God and continues to steadfast on her faith until the end, despite sickness. Isn't it good that you have held on to the right thing in life and your beloved ones hold it together with you?
Other than my grandfather's, I think this is the second time I place the flower on the coffin.
--
After that, my friend and I went to visit an old lady in an old-folks home. She was so happy that we bought some food for her (even though doesn't cost much). She ate so quickly and finished every single bit of it.
However, she shed a few tears after eating the food and I feel sympathy for her. I know I shouldn't feel pity for her.. but...
Imagine you have enjoyed all the sumptuous food, enjoyments, and traveled all around the world in the past but all you left is only money, and money doesn't mean anything to you anymore. If you do not manage your money well, no matter how much you have it is all in vain. What is life to her, now?
I judge people who don't care for their parents but reflecting on it, I am also not filial to my own parents. What have I done for them? Nothing much. Mother's Day is coming and what am I be doing? Busy, busy & busy..
*Cherish while it last*
--
Tomorrow and day after I will have training but I am so afraid now. I need to go there by myself and meet one of my colleagues there. Maybe because I am dumb. I hope everything works fine. and everyday rain, I hope tomorrow morning would not rain if not I will be late for the training.
How's your life?
For this time I guess it is the spirit of being in one family. You can see how much they love each other with genuine hearts. Even though it might be hard that one has left this world but they'll meet in heaven. What's left is the memory that once they had. I believe the late mother is a very good worker of God and continues to steadfast on her faith until the end, despite sickness. Isn't it good that you have held on to the right thing in life and your beloved ones hold it together with you?
Other than my grandfather's, I think this is the second time I place the flower on the coffin.
--
After that, my friend and I went to visit an old lady in an old-folks home. She was so happy that we bought some food for her (even though doesn't cost much). She ate so quickly and finished every single bit of it.
However, she shed a few tears after eating the food and I feel sympathy for her. I know I shouldn't feel pity for her.. but...
Imagine you have enjoyed all the sumptuous food, enjoyments, and traveled all around the world in the past but all you left is only money, and money doesn't mean anything to you anymore. If you do not manage your money well, no matter how much you have it is all in vain. What is life to her, now?
I judge people who don't care for their parents but reflecting on it, I am also not filial to my own parents. What have I done for them? Nothing much. Mother's Day is coming and what am I be doing? Busy, busy & busy..
*Cherish while it last*
--
Tomorrow and day after I will have training but I am so afraid now. I need to go there by myself and meet one of my colleagues there. Maybe because I am dumb. I hope everything works fine. and everyday rain, I hope tomorrow morning would not rain if not I will be late for the training.
How's your life?
Thursday, April 27, 2017
3 days in a row
L I F E |
Well, what's life to you?
Yesterday was a historical moment of my life where I attended 3 funerals each day from Mon to Tues. It is the end of the fourth month and I attended 4 funerals. Lots of feelings that are intangible.
Well, my boss said it is good for us to attend then we will ponder about life more. We often know but we forgot to think about it. I missed out one last week and I regretted. Nothing to be proud of but to humbly submit to God's will. In the funerals, we can learn how people zealous in serving God throughout his/her life and so many people attended his/her funeral and feel so sad and reluctant. I wonder who will come to attend my funeral. On Monday and Wednesday, during the wake services (conducted by my church) I realized they were people talking loudly outside while not attending the service and makes the whole situation become so noisy, and personally, I feel no respect for the deceased and the family members. Sorry, I am not here to judge but at least talk softly even you are not attending the service.
On the other hand, I do see how blessed people can be when they really cherish their last moments in life by living it to the fullest. What about me? Slacking every day without a goal in life.
--
To be honest, for me to die young is one of my wishes. So, if ever I died young, God fulfilled my dream. If not, God has His more beautiful will and blessings for me to live longer. For no one knows what will happen tomorrow, but I know who holds tomorrow (Mt 6:34). It is not how long you live, but about the deepness of your life content.
I hope during my wake service, everyone will be seated in (no one left behind). 5 minutes of silence -ponder upon God's graces and life. Sermon. Choir sing "The LORD Bless You and Keep You" (Num 6:24) to the family, friends, and relatives.
Send me various flowers with pots that can last rather than those funeral flower wreath. As for my body, help me go for cremation.
--
I hope you think about life and what are you living for.
fannen
Well, what's life to you?
Yesterday was a historical moment of my life where I attended 3 funerals each day from Mon to Tues. It is the end of the fourth month and I attended 4 funerals. Lots of feelings that are intangible.
Well, my boss said it is good for us to attend then we will ponder about life more. We often know but we forgot to think about it. I missed out one last week and I regretted. Nothing to be proud of but to humbly submit to God's will. In the funerals, we can learn how people zealous in serving God throughout his/her life and so many people attended his/her funeral and feel so sad and reluctant. I wonder who will come to attend my funeral. On Monday and Wednesday, during the wake services (conducted by my church) I realized they were people talking loudly outside while not attending the service and makes the whole situation become so noisy, and personally, I feel no respect for the deceased and the family members. Sorry, I am not here to judge but at least talk softly even you are not attending the service.
On the other hand, I do see how blessed people can be when they really cherish their last moments in life by living it to the fullest. What about me? Slacking every day without a goal in life.
--
To be honest, for me to die young is one of my wishes. So, if ever I died young, God fulfilled my dream. If not, God has His more beautiful will and blessings for me to live longer. For no one knows what will happen tomorrow, but I know who holds tomorrow (Mt 6:34). It is not how long you live, but about the deepness of your life content.
I hope during my wake service, everyone will be seated in (no one left behind). 5 minutes of silence -ponder upon God's graces and life. Sermon. Choir sing "The LORD Bless You and Keep You" (Num 6:24) to the family, friends, and relatives.
Send me various flowers with pots that can last rather than those funeral flower wreath. As for my body, help me go for cremation.
--
I hope you think about life and what are you living for.
fannen
Thursday, March 30, 2017
She is still the best!
Recently life has not been that good but it gives me time to think about what's my kind of life's direction. What kind of life suits me and good for me.
I hope I see the life's journey more early, but it's not all too late. It just a little more messed up and gotta deal with it. But it's okay, nothing is too late when you still have your breathes.
--
Recently, mom keeps calling me from time to time and I really appreciate it because she knows I need her. She brought me lots of fruits and homecooked meat (frozen) so I can unfreeze it and eat. Her love for me is overwhelm and I miss her. Thankful for having her in my life. She is the only one who doesn't judge me but constantly concerns me. That's the love of a mother!
--
I know it's pretty hard to find someone who really understands me but I did not dare to ask much for my life as God's grace is sufficient for us.
--
Sooner or later those march makers would come and find me but so far I try to make clear that I'm not ready. I don't care what they trying to do (even out of good heart) they just don't know my story. I'm sorry!
--
My own vacation is coming soon and I don't know how it will goes but for sure I'll be getting fat and I just need to buy some stuff for myself. Just this time, usually I don't simply buy things for myself.
Hope everyone has a nice day!
I hope I see the life's journey more early, but it's not all too late. It just a little more messed up and gotta deal with it. But it's okay, nothing is too late when you still have your breathes.
--
Recently, mom keeps calling me from time to time and I really appreciate it because she knows I need her. She brought me lots of fruits and homecooked meat (frozen) so I can unfreeze it and eat. Her love for me is overwhelm and I miss her. Thankful for having her in my life. She is the only one who doesn't judge me but constantly concerns me. That's the love of a mother!
--
I know it's pretty hard to find someone who really understands me but I did not dare to ask much for my life as God's grace is sufficient for us.
--
Sooner or later those march makers would come and find me but so far I try to make clear that I'm not ready. I don't care what they trying to do (even out of good heart) they just don't know my story. I'm sorry!
--
My own vacation is coming soon and I don't know how it will goes but for sure I'll be getting fat and I just need to buy some stuff for myself. Just this time, usually I don't simply buy things for myself.
Hope everyone has a nice day!
Saturday, March 18, 2017
As a failure
Was being scolded yesterday and this afternoon being scolded again.
I know I am annoying and that is why I need to stop talking and just listen. I almost cry but just got to bear with it, you can't just cry in the public (not say cannot but I will try not to).
Well, that got to do with my mood swing. Seriously need to control it.
--
Parents are here but I don't have time for them. Sigh.
--
But thank God, today I realized something that is important where I always neglected. I think once again God had tell me clearly what is the direction that I should walk and leaves no regret in life.
I recently been a bit confused and lost in life because I did not walk my path properly.
No idea what am I writing..
fannen
I know I am annoying and that is why I need to stop talking and just listen. I almost cry but just got to bear with it, you can't just cry in the public (not say cannot but I will try not to).
Well, that got to do with my mood swing. Seriously need to control it.
--
Parents are here but I don't have time for them. Sigh.
--
But thank God, today I realized something that is important where I always neglected. I think once again God had tell me clearly what is the direction that I should walk and leaves no regret in life.
I recently been a bit confused and lost in life because I did not walk my path properly.
No idea what am I writing..
fannen
Sunday, March 12, 2017
Weakest time
Headaches strike me again after just a nap. But still have to get ready for tomorrow's flight.
Well, hope for the very best for my coming training and not to be lazy anymore.
There's a stranger who reminds me that I should have a full-body checkup while my doubt arises at the same time. Am I really ill? It is always a pain on that part of the head and body aches from time to time. Or is it that i did not do any kind of exercise? Well, I will try to do some but I won't go for a check-up. Even though I am not ready for accepting any kind of illness in my body but I always know that I am not that healthy and fit. If I don't live up that long, I hope I can at least do the very best before it ended.
-
The preacher did say about how Abraham, his oldest servant, Isaac, and Rebekah entrusted and submissively accept the arrangement of God in the marriage of Isaac and Rebekah (Genesis 24). He described how a woman at that time who is a virgin (clean), beautiful (inner and outwardly), and kind from the bottom of the heart (drew water for herself, the oldest servant and the camels, which is not less than 14). How much water does she has to draw for all, that shows how fit she was physical. The preacher said nowadays, girls' room is kinda messy and they are so thin as if the wind can blow them away.
-
Recently, I learned from a girl who is so fervent and I know she prays a lot. The grace of God is bountifully pouring on her. She is just like Rebekah in the bible with a kind heart, fit and beautiful in all ways. It is not comparing who is better but I felt shameful for not able to be the best of me.
-
Many things keep in the heart that makes it so complicated and you hope one day you could truly let it go by cutting it off. I do dislike the way when I am being too emotional. That really kills everything. Anyway, this year I have one resolution that is to be thankful, so I do not wish to complain about life anymore. That has gone too far in the past of all my negativity that has to pull myself to a very low state.
-
Spend the last week with truthful people and enjoy every moment except for the headaches part. Enjoy up to the extend that boss wants to chock me but thankfully I am female (can't call myself girl, lady, or woman).
fannen
Well, hope for the very best for my coming training and not to be lazy anymore.
There's a stranger who reminds me that I should have a full-body checkup while my doubt arises at the same time. Am I really ill? It is always a pain on that part of the head and body aches from time to time. Or is it that i did not do any kind of exercise? Well, I will try to do some but I won't go for a check-up. Even though I am not ready for accepting any kind of illness in my body but I always know that I am not that healthy and fit. If I don't live up that long, I hope I can at least do the very best before it ended.
-
The preacher did say about how Abraham, his oldest servant, Isaac, and Rebekah entrusted and submissively accept the arrangement of God in the marriage of Isaac and Rebekah (Genesis 24). He described how a woman at that time who is a virgin (clean), beautiful (inner and outwardly), and kind from the bottom of the heart (drew water for herself, the oldest servant and the camels, which is not less than 14). How much water does she has to draw for all, that shows how fit she was physical. The preacher said nowadays, girls' room is kinda messy and they are so thin as if the wind can blow them away.
-
Recently, I learned from a girl who is so fervent and I know she prays a lot. The grace of God is bountifully pouring on her. She is just like Rebekah in the bible with a kind heart, fit and beautiful in all ways. It is not comparing who is better but I felt shameful for not able to be the best of me.
-
Many things keep in the heart that makes it so complicated and you hope one day you could truly let it go by cutting it off. I do dislike the way when I am being too emotional. That really kills everything. Anyway, this year I have one resolution that is to be thankful, so I do not wish to complain about life anymore. That has gone too far in the past of all my negativity that has to pull myself to a very low state.
-
Spend the last week with truthful people and enjoy every moment except for the headaches part. Enjoy up to the extend that boss wants to chock me but thankfully I am female (can't call myself girl, lady, or woman).
fannen
Sunday, February 12, 2017
Lonesome Update
How are you, beautiful people? (not literally mean outer beauty)
Sorry, I always forget to blog. My fault.
Well, every time when I look at the statistics I am pretty overwhelmed by the results.
I have no idea that those who read this dull blog are those whom I know personally or not but thanks for the view.
Life? Living a lonely life for sure.
Yesterday I realized that I am very emotionally unstable and I am stubborn to a certain extend.
I am supposed to be quite happy yesterday until someone important raising his voice at me as if I am the one to blame. It totally spoils my mood and I become sad right at the moment. So, I cried to sleep.
Work, so far being a tester, and I hope I can do it well because I am a bit messy and I need to know my stand.
Well, I don't know that is it my supervisor giving me clues that I did little or I am too sensitive but it is time to catch up speedily.
--
Relationship, I am actually afraid to start a relationship. I am afraid to lose our current friendship. Obviously, I am kinda good with certain guy friends whom I think if I work hard, we might have progressed in the friendship but I choose to pull my handbrake from time to time because I enjoy the current moment when there's a pure friendship that would last forever.
I know that if I got into a relationship, everything will get worse or worst. So to my guys' good friend (whom I regard as), I am sorry but let's cherish the friendship that we obtain now. I do not want to risk and lose another good friend again. I can't give you my best as for now and I am no longer who I am. I need to find back my best self. I sincerely hope that you will find a good wife (to be precise).
#fingerscrossed
Time and Mr. Right is always do not exist together.
fannen
Sorry, I always forget to blog. My fault.
Well, every time when I look at the statistics I am pretty overwhelmed by the results.
I have no idea that those who read this dull blog are those whom I know personally or not but thanks for the view.
Life? Living a lonely life for sure.
Yesterday I realized that I am very emotionally unstable and I am stubborn to a certain extend.
I am supposed to be quite happy yesterday until someone important raising his voice at me as if I am the one to blame. It totally spoils my mood and I become sad right at the moment. So, I cried to sleep.
Work, so far being a tester, and I hope I can do it well because I am a bit messy and I need to know my stand.
Well, I don't know that is it my supervisor giving me clues that I did little or I am too sensitive but it is time to catch up speedily.
--
Relationship, I am actually afraid to start a relationship. I am afraid to lose our current friendship. Obviously, I am kinda good with certain guy friends whom I think if I work hard, we might have progressed in the friendship but I choose to pull my handbrake from time to time because I enjoy the current moment when there's a pure friendship that would last forever.
I know that if I got into a relationship, everything will get worse or worst. So to my guys' good friend (whom I regard as), I am sorry but let's cherish the friendship that we obtain now. I do not want to risk and lose another good friend again. I can't give you my best as for now and I am no longer who I am. I need to find back my best self. I sincerely hope that you will find a good wife (to be precise).
#fingerscrossed
Time and Mr. Right is always do not exist together.
fannen
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